Verita Stewart

Writer, blogger, social media | Racer of bikes with Specialized Women's Racing Team|

Dealing with disappointment

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It’s been months since my last post, I’ve been busy racing, managing illness and injury, working full time, writing my regular column for Cycling Tips Ella and doing some side projects for Bike Exchange. I thought it best that I give you an update on what’s going on in my life. Apologies in advance, I brain dumped this post – tried to be grammatically correct and coherent, yet full of emotion.

The second half of the NRS season has been run and won, unfortunately, my performances in these races has been for whatever reason, less than impressive. The last few months for me has been full of bad luck and disappointment. I have struggled to find positivity out of training and racing, and to be honest, they have been hard, really hard, both mentally and physically. It all really starts with the fact that I have also been sick too many times this year to count, I’ve had annoying injuries, and the latest, I got hit by a car (just when I was starting to feel good again). I’ve had more DNFs this last three months due to injury or illness than you can poke a stick at. In fact, they’re the only DNFs of my short career and all happened within a short 3 months period.

Tonight's headwind. #thestruggleisreal #specializedwmn

A post shared by Verita Stewart (@lowercasev) on

I’m not good at dealing with disappointment, even though I’ve been sick and injured, trying to rationalise what has been going on with me felt impossible. I was feeling out of my depth and frustrated at what was happening with me and my body. That I wasn’t able to do the things I wanted, I couldn’t train and race at my peak. Getting hit by the car, was just the icing on the cake. I sustained an injury to my lower back, which meant that I couldn’t ride at all for two weeks, and then lingered – it put me off the bike for longer than I wanted, put a huge dint in my training… it was just another thing that was holding me back. For all of you that know me, I’m impatient, I wanted to be fixed and better yesterday, and it was not working that way.

All these together, I had not had a solid block of training in my legs in months. Hampered by injury and illness, I’ve just rolled on, trying to be positive, hoping that everything would straighten out.

As an athlete, I strive to be at my best. To give everything I have and it is incredibly disappointing when I don’t perform or can’t for whatever reason. My expectations of myself seem to override any rational thought and as my coach reminds me often, I quickly forget legitimate reasons for under performing or not performing as I would have liked.

A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with fructose malabsorption. This explains so much of what has been going on in my life, why I’ve been constantly sick, why my race performances have been less than impressive, weight gain, frequently upset stomach and generally explains why I’ve been feeling like crap for some time now. This news is almost like a proverbial weight off my shoulders, relief that I have an answer for the way I’ve been feeling for a long time now. I’m seeing a dietician to help me with a plan going forward. I’m feeling really positive that a few dietary changes here and there will help me on the way to good health again.

Everything has straightened its self out, it just took time. My injury sustained after the car accident has settled down and after much soul searching and enforced rest (thanks coach), I’m back training.

I’m rolling along now, back on track. It’s been a two solid weeks of training, and you know what, it feels great!  My power numbers might be down, my lungs and legs hurt every training session, but do you know what… the pain is strangely satisfying!

I am coming to terms with everything that has gone on and feeling positive about the my changes in diet.Most sports nutrition (and delicious food) contains fructose, so cutting them out and finding alternatives will be challenging. So interesting times ahead whilst I try to manage this fructose malabsorption thing, that is another blog…

I’ve learnt a lot about myself over the past three months, dealing with disappointment has been one of them. I’m excited to work towards future goals.

Bring on the summer of cycling!

PS. Follow me on Instagram (@lowercasev) and watch out for some product reviews coming soon. I’ve tried and tested the new Specialized S-Works 6 women’s road shoe and some of the new women’s kits on the market from MaapRapha and Specialized.

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Author: Verita Stewart

Cyclist for Specialized, Instagramer, blogger, desk sitter, coffee lover, recycler

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